Goodbye 2014

cs lewis

I leave yet another year behind.  A year filled with discovery…of myself, of my new reality.  This is truly the first year I walked through my life without a fog.  Where I can now remember my feelings and my reactions.  The haze of my life without My Love has cleared, and now the feelings rush in.  The feelings the fog protected me from.  The feelings of loneliness, and anger.  Of helplessness and fear.  So much fear.

As I approach another New Years Eve without loving arms to eagerly wrap around me, and love filled kisses filled with promises, I feel fear.  Fear of now understanding the depths of the emptiness of my life.  Fear of making so many mistakes raising my kids on my own.  Fear of the financial burdens weighing me down.  Fear of so many lonely nights.

I try my best to look forward to a new year.  Struggle to find a new focus and new goals.  I pray that my Faith will carry me through.  That the fear will subside and I will find more and more reasons to smile.

About Finding Me Again

Mom to four of the best.Grandma to the Sweetest.Daughter.Sister.Aunt.Friend. Widow.
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1 Response to Goodbye 2014

  1. Anne Corke says:

    I understand and sympathize with your feelings this holiday season. It’s hard for others to understand how strange and scary it feels to be on your own after so many years as part of a couple. To me, it feels as if I’m flying without a net. When my husband was alive, I always knew that he had my back, that he was always there for support. Although my son and his new wife live close by and I have many dear friends, every day there are those quiet moments when I realize that I’m on my own and frankly it frightens me. Thank goodness for my two dogs who keep me company and put up with my moods. I’m sure you and I will survive but I hope it helps to know that I’ll be thinking of you and your family and wishing you the very best for the new year.

    Liked by 1 person

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